From Kerth Barker’s book Blood Drinking, Cannibalism & High Adept Satanism:

I never attended the Marriage of the Beast Initiation ceremony. I seriously did not want to become a Satanist. However, there was a related initiation ceremony that I was forced to attend. This ceremony is done at the age of thirteen for a boy. It is to take place ideally at the time of the boy’s first ejaculation. In traditional Satanism, as it was practiced by some groups in old Europe, at the age of thirteen, the boy’s two personalities were to be merged into one.

The story I was told about this had to do with the idea that in Europe, during the Dark Ages, those who wished to continue the pagan practices of their ancestors lived in fear of the Christian Church which would kill them for practicing their faith. Children can’t be trusted to keep secrets, but the faithful pagans figured out a way they could educate their children in the faith of their ancestors. They realized that if children are ritualistically tortured they develop two personalities – one secret pagan personality and one open Christian personality.

The concept is this: the Christian personality is unaware of the pagan personality, but the pagan personality knows about the Christian one. By the age of thirteen a child has enough maturity and discipline to keep secrets. So at that age, for the boy, there is a ceremony of integration. This is the point where the Christian personality disappears and the pagan personality becomes dominant. This is achieved through a mock cannibalism ceremony.

I’ve been told that in the old pagan covens in Europe, the woman who was the coven leader would have sex with the boy. She would dress and assume the persona of the Earth Goddess. The thirteen-year-old boy would be symbolically dressed and addressed as the Sun God. The female coven leader would sexually service the boy in front of everyone, and he would experience his first ejaculation with her. This sex with the coven leader was considered to be a one-time thing. It established the authority of the coven leader. And it encouraged the loyalty of the boy. It was also considered to be a ceremonial ritual which brought all the members of the coven into harmony with the Earth Goddess and the Sun God.

After this sexual ritual, the boy, who had fasted the day before, would be fed a meal, but first he had to kill an animal. My impression was that different animals could be used, but a rooster was common. The boy would have two names. There was a Christian name that was known to the world, and a secret pagan name that was known only to his coven. And these two names would represent his two personalities. The rooster would be taken off his perch the night before as he slept, and be dressed up in a cape and possibly a vest. Sometimes they would make little boots and fasten them to its feet. The next day, on the day of the ritual, everyone would greet this rooster using the Christian name for the boy. Then the boy would introduce himself to the rooster by his pagan name. The boy would point at the rooster and repeatedly call the rooster by his Christian name.

If his Christian name was Thomas, for example, the boy would point at the rooster and say, “You are Thomas the Christian and I forsake you.”

Then the coven members would collectively corner the rooster and throw a net over it.

The boy would club the trapped rooster saying things like, “Die, Thomas the Christian, die.”

Then the coven members would prepare and cook the rooster. Following this, they would all have a feast. The boy could finally eat his first meal after the fast. And he would eat the whole rooster or as much of it as he could stomach. After that he would not have two personalities. He would no longer be a Christian, he would be a pagan who sometimes pretended to be a Christian. He would know that Thomas wasn’t his real name because Thomas the Christian was dead. But sometimes he might pretend to be Thomas. But he would have all the knowledge and skill that Thomas had because he had eaten Thomas.

So that’s an example of mock cannibalism.

I attended a ritual of mock cannibalism when I was thirteen. It was silly and disturbing. It was similar to the pagan ritual of old Europe in some ways, but it was significantly different in other ways. The Baron was experimenting with new versions of traditional ceremonial rituals. And there was some type of new agenda. It’s also true that the Baron made income from the sale of child pornography to wealthy Luciferian aristocrats. His pornography had high production values and apparently sold for large amounts of money. This wasn’t his main source of income. For him, the money he made from porno was probably small change. But the films gave him social status among the Satanic elites, and that was something he cared about. So he designed a ritual that could be made into a porno film for wealthy Luciferians. And it would also be used to promote a political agenda – so it was propaganda as well. I was forced to star as one of the main characters in this film. Threats were made if I failed to cooperate, and promises of favors done for my family were made if I did play along. The Baron always got his way.

The ritual I attended was a gay marriage where I was married to another boy my age. We were both thirteen. His Luciferian name was Martin. So it was to be the marriage of Martin and Kathy Lucifersons. We had never met before the ritual. From my point of view it was just another humiliating experience of sexual abuse, only more bizarre than most. However, I think that it was more than that for Martin.

The thing was that my two personalities had already integrated by this time. An incident with an older male relative beating me up had happened earlier in my life. I’ve talked about this in my book Angelic Defenders and Demonic Abusers. My reaction to that beating was that Kerth and Kathy integrated spontaneously. They weren’t really separated anymore. Kerth could remember what Kathy did, but he tried not to. And Kathy was Kerth. In other words, when people called me Kerth, I acted one way. When people called me Kathy, I acted another way. But I was always acting. Kerth and Kathy were just two modes of survival. When I was in the Luciferian social environment I assumed the Kathy persona. But that’s all it was to me, just a game where I pretended to be somebody else. It was like an actor’s stage name. I didn’t believe I was Kathy, even when I was pretending to be Kathy.

But Martin had two separate personalities. And his normal social personality had no awareness of the Martin Lucifer personality. While in his Martin Lucifer personality, he had been trained to sexually service his father and mother – who obviously were Satanists. Not that all Satanists are child molesters, but these were. In his normal personality, Martin had a normal relationship with his mommy and daddy. Martin had two personalities, but his parents each had only one, very twisted, personality.

Just prior to this so-called marriage ceremony, I was subjected to a hypnotism session. I hadn’t agreed with it, but I knew enough to just play along with what the hypnotist said. I didn’t really go into a trance state, but I pretended to. Suggestions were made that I was about to be married to a man. He would be my male homosexual husband and I would become his male homosexual wife… We were to have pleasurable sex together and fall in love… We would someday live together as husband and wife whereupon we would serve the Church of Satan… nonsense like that.

After the hypno session, I was dressed up in a white wedding gown with make-up on my face. When they showed me myself in the mirror, I thought I looked absurd. The marriage ceremony was carefully explained to me.

It took place in the Satanic temple located in the basement of the Baron’s mansion. There were other Luciferians in attendance, as well as Martin’s parents. The parents were crying because one meaning of the ceremony was that they wouldn’t make love with their son anymore. The marriage ceremony was filmed with two cameras located in different places in the room. The Baron, who considered me to be his property, gave me away to Martin – who was dressed up in a black tux like a groom. A necklace was placed around my neck which had the symbol of Venus on it. A necklace was placed around the neck of Martin which had the symbol of Mars on it.

The minister was a Satanist. She was dressed in a black gown and had a black mask on. She wore a black band around her head with diamonds on it, and it looked kind of like a crown. There were sandals on her feet with one red sock and one black sock. A golden medallion with a stylized swastika on it hung from a chain around her neck. She seemed to be middle-aged and people referred to her as the Dark Mother. I had heard of her before but hadn’t met her before that day. She guided the marriage ceremony. It was a Satanic marriage ceremony, but in most respects this ceremony mimicked the Christian ceremony.

We both said, “I do,” at the proper time. I said this not because I wanted to. Nor did I say it because I was hypnotized. I said it because I was afraid the Baron would kill my mother and have me tortured to death if I didn’t play along. But Martin said it with enthusiasm in his voice, and he was looking at me like he was in love with me – which was kind of disturbing.

The Baron had sex rooms in his mansion. After the so-called marriage ceremony, everyone took their clothing off and headed to a sex room. In one room there was a table with red velvet padding attached to the top of it. The walls and ceiling of the room were all mirrored – which I found disorienting. Around the room were chairs where spectators could sit to watch the performance. There were also two cameras set up in the room to film the event.

Martin and I had our “honeymoon” on top of the table there. I had been up on this table a number of times before when I was younger, but always with adult men who I was servicing. Martin had been trained in much the same way I had.

He tried to sexually service me by performing fellatio, but I didn’t respond. I felt intimidated by the fact that people were expecting me to react in some way. But the fellatio felt painful and threatening. After a while, the Baron had me perform fellatio for Martin. He became erect and seemed to take pleasure in what I was doing. But before he could ejaculate, he was instructed to lubricate my anus and penetrate me. I had been anally raped before, and it was always painful. But I knew better than to resist, and I tried to relax my buttock muscles so that it would be less painful. Fortunately Martin’s penis was small, and it didn’t hurt very much when he penetrated me. Martin ejaculated for the first time while he was anally raping me. The walls in the room were mirrored and I could see his face as he had his first ejaculation. He had a look of intense pleasure on his face. He hugged me afterwards. He kissed me and tried to French kiss me. It felt creepy. I wasn’t used to that, but probably he had done this with his mother and father. Everyone clapped their approval. I felt glad that the trick was over and that it hadn’t been too painful.

After that there was a party. Again Martin and I were hypnotized, but this time we were together. I think Martin actually was in a trance state, but I just pretended to be. Suggestions were made that we were to kill and eat our Christian personalities. The Christian would no longer exist but the Luciferian would retain all the knowledge and skill of the Christian.

After the hypnotism, we went to the party room. At the party there were two cakes that Martin and I were to eat. One cake looked like Martin and the other cake looked like me. It was disturbing how much they had managed to make a cake that looked like me. It was anatomically correct and everything. I was instructed to kill Kerth by cutting the cake up. I began to laugh hysterically because this was all so insane.

I cut the cake up into dozens of pieces while saying, “I, Kathy the Luciferian, renounce Kerth the Christian. Die, Kerth the Christian, die!”

Then I ate the cake up. It tasted sugary. It was just a cake. The main framework of the cake was made up of pieces of angel food cake which was expertly covered with flesh-colored frosting. The experience meant nothing to me. It was just stupid.

But then Martin did the same thing – only he wept the whole time. He trembled as he cut up his cake and moaned as if he were in physical pain. He was weeping and trembling as he ate the pieces. He finished the cake then collapsed onto the floor into a fetal position. He stayed there for about an hour.

I left the party room and found a bathroom where I took a shower. A middle-aged woman wearing nothing but a mask and two different colored socks came into the bathroom while I was in the shower. Without saying a word she soaped up my body and hers. I became aroused and we briefly had sex. I ejaculated for the first time in my life. I was surprised that sex could be pleasurable. She smiled at my epiphany, and I felt something like gratitude toward her. She left without having said a word the entire time. I dried myself off, found my boys’ clothing in another room and got dressed.

When I came back to the party room, most of the guests had wandered off to have sex or do drugs. Martin was talking with his parents about their sexual relationship. Martin seemed upset to hear that his parents weren’t going to make love with him anymore. They promised that they had arranged for him to become the lover of another man who was a friend of their family. They told him that when we got older, Martin and I would become lovers. They and the Baron had come to this agreement.

They had me sit down on the floor with them. They were all still naked.

Martin’s mom and dad explained to Martin and me that when we grew up we were both going to become gay men. This was an arranged gay marriage. We would live together and promote gay rights. His parents explained that there were too many people in the world and we were to promote homosexuality as a system of population control. They said all this in a matter-of-fact kind of way. I felt as if I were talking to people from another planet because they sounded so insane in their certainty that I would go along with all this.

Martin hugged me and told me he loved me. He kissed me on the mouth like he meant it. It’s odd, but by that time in my life, I had become used to performing fellatio so often that it meant little to me except that it was yet another humiliating experience. But Martin kissing me like that really upset me. It felt like more of a violation than forced fellatio or being anally raped.

So that was my experience with mock cannibalism. It didn’t really have any influence on me, but it had a profound influence on Martin. To me it was just another reason to escape the insanity of the Baron’s odd brand of Satanism. At that time in my life, there really was no Christian personality to be eaten and no Luciferian personality to be the eater. At that time in my life, Church on Sunday was just a social activity I did with my mother. I didn’t think of myself as a Christian. And Luciferianism was just secret sex work that I had to put up with because the world isn’t what most people think it is. I identified more with my mother who was a Christian than with the Luciferians. And the ritual didn’t change that.

The so-called gay marriage meant nothing to me.

I didn’t see Martin again until about three or four years later. We never did become gay lovers.

I think that some Luciferians have an agenda to promote homosexuality even to people who aren’t gay by nature. I think they intended to arrange for Martin and I to meet when we were older. Then they would program us to become gay partners.

Martin went to a different high school than I did. So there was little chance of a casual contact. We never met again until we were both about seventeen. At that time, I was sometimes dating a girl who also dated other boys. That was no big deal, she was just like that. She told me that she was dating somebody special and wanted me to meet him. It turned out to be Martin. I think he had been stalking me and had started dating her as a way of meeting with me.

I could tell by the way he hugged me when we met that he was still in love with me – or thought he was. I agreed to meet him later, without the mutual girlfriend in the way. When we met, he didn’t want to have sex, he just wanted to understand what had happened. We smoked cigarettes and talked for hours. I tried to explain that we had been brainwashed, and eventually he believed me.

It turned out that he had been sexually molested by both of his parents since early childhood up until our so-called marriage. After that, he had been the lover of several different adult men. Somehow his parents and his lovers thought that this would be good for him. But it had totally messed up his mind. I could tell that he felt like he was in hell. He had been programmed to fall in love with me, but I had already managed to get out of the cult. So I wasn’t going to play along with the mind-control program. And he had come to realize that nothing he felt for me was real, it was just mind control. The imaginary romance he hoped to find with me wasn’t going to happen. But he had nothing to fall back on because his parents were just asshole child molesters.

The way his parents had betrayed him was what hurt him the most. Basically, his parents had used him for their own sexual desires then pimped him out. His parents had sacrificed his life and sanity for favors from the wealthy Luciferians. Martin was part of an experimental project for population control. He hadn’t been born gay, he had been programmed to believe he was gay. He was deeply conflicted and in emotional turmoil. At the time of our meeting, I wished I had some way of helping him, but I was barely coping with my own life. So he was on his own.

Shortly after that he killed himself. When his parents went out to dinner one night, he went into their bedroom. He got his father’s hunting rifle and sat down on their bed. He put the barrel into his mouth and somehow pulled the trigger. When his parent’s got home, they found him dead on their bed.

See more about Kerth and his books, as well as videos, at KerthBarker.com.